My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
