Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
