You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
