i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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