I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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