alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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