you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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