when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
