The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
pray to the hookup gods
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
