This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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