Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
