i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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