He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
