i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
