Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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