You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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