she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
