she looked like the bat from fern gully.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
