dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
