make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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