My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
