Buhtt sex?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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