this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My life is pants optional.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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