she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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