I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
