Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
