Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
