if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
