I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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