i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
