***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
