I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
