covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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