This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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