That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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