You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
