Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
