im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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