i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
