I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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