dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
