I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
