You're earring is so big in my mouth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
