The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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