this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
