I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
