how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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