come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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