o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to make out with him forever
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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