someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
