so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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