I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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